fuck.

ive been busy.

 

'nuff said

so um my birthday was decent.

 

cash [$250]

giftcard [Target-$50]

a DVD [the breakfast club]

T-shirt

earrings

new makeup bag

[x]

a lighter

fairie sticker

perfume

a book

a pen that looks like a syringe.

carton of newports

a phone call  [from my dad]

 

 

considering i didnt even ask for anything this year, thats pretty good.

 

 

oh god, party last night...^_^

we all got cruuunnk

 

i brought this girl from school i have a crush on. 

the plan was to drink with her &

acctually tell her i like her...but i got to fucked up and forgot.

hell, i dont even remember half the party. >_< 

 

 

oh well.

 

plus i havent slept yet and i have to go to school in 20 mins,

 for saturday make-up time.

and my eyelids are falling shut.

fuck.

 

i was on the bus this morning, half drunk, listening to my ipod, 

 

 

& i realized....

 

 

 

 

I MISS YOU.

 

 

this is what reminded me...

 

"Feel Like Rain"
_{-motion city soundtrack}

 

And we feel like rain when the words all sound the same,
in the lifeless corners of this empty frame.
Though we feel let down by the same old autumn breathing,
winter's curse is just around the bend.
With our hands all tied to the blades of their design,
we are armed and ready to commit this crime.

We love that game, but we never play
'cause we will lose, and we wanna stay
the way we are, the way we've been for far too long.

From the falsest smile to the fear of death is why
the pain reminds us that we're still alive.
With our hopes on hold and our lack of interest exposed,
all hands damage our determined eyes.
But the lines are drawn and the red begins to creep
its way from boredom toward apathy.

We love that game, but we never play
'cause we will lose, and we wanna stay
the way we are, the way we've been for far too long.

We love that game, but we never play
'cause we will lose, and we wanna stay
the way we are, the way we've been for far too long.

Say something, finally we're alone.
Alright, is there anyone out there at all?
Say something, finally we're alone.
How about a phone call now?

We love that game, but we never play
'cause we will lose, and we wanna stay
the way we are, the way we've been for far too long.

We love that game, but we never play
'cause we will lose, and we wanna stay
the way we are, the way we've been for far too long.

We love that game, but we never play
'cause we will lose, and we wanna stay
the way we are

And we feel like rain when the words all sound the same
As the curtain closes on another day.

 

_{-you probally didn't even notice this was for you-}

 

eh.

i deleted the last entry cause it made no since

hey, we cant all make since all the time.

 

i made an A in english, an a in Erth sci, and a C in spn II

which isnt too bad.

but i have a feeling next quarter isnt going to be as good.

 

status=confused

 

im kinda confused about a few things right now.

for instance...uh...cory!?

[the boyfriend]

hes a really great guy, very sweet to me ... & we get along well,

but recently i've been having a few doubts about us.

cause i really dont see us going anywhere...for a couple reasons-

 

reason #1

im not exactly where i want to be right now.

lately missed so much school, and im pretty sure my grades are slipping.

i still dont have a job, despite my good intentions

my relationship with my mom is certainly not at its best.

plus i have this feeling that everything is just a waste of time and life is nothing but playing the part.

_{just going through the motions. empty words to fill the silence.} "autopilot".

       this relates to cory because everyday afterschool its always the same thing. like a videogame youve played so many times you already know whats going to happen. & i never have to put any new effort in to anything... cause every day is pretty much the  same. like i cant reach the next level. after i get home cory  wants to come over see me. or go out and do things with him. which i dont mind cause it is fun and i do care about him.

but the temptation in the lazy comfort of my everyday routine always wins over working towards making things happen. 

& in general im not getting what i need to get done done.

plain and simple.

and  sadly i think the most efficient  way i can start getting things back in order in my life is if im doing it,  _{without cory}    &thats not how i want it to be _{at all}

 

of course i cant explain that to him, hed never understand.

 

 

reason #2

when i met cory i was looking for someone i could have a little space with, cause i had just come out of  a pretty affectionate relationship... that, unfourtunatly had a bad ending.  [lets not get into that]

anyway, cory didnt turn out to be the space giving type,  and at the time i didnt mind to much because i liked him and we had fun together...so i figured i get over the "i wanna be right next to you all the time thing"

but now i realize i should have made it clear in the begining.

cause every second we are alone hes all over me, and he doesnt understand why i tell him no most the time. he thinks its because i dont care about him. so hes  always complaining about not getting enough "playtime" [ deffinatly somthing a guy would do]

ITS VERY ANNOYING.

 

 

reason #3

lately i've been a little more interested in girls than usual. 

 

 

 

SO

i have decided my options are-

1) break up with him because i dont want to have to explain all of the above to him.

2) explain all of the above to him, and take a break.

3) keep things the way they are- chillin with cory & the kids  in my nieghborhood... smoking _{that ganja} all day everyday.  ^_^

 

 

 

 

 

any insight or advice here?

.............................................................................................................................................anybody?

hmmm well first off  let me just say its been a while

 

not much really is going on.

 

its the third month of school

& i cant belive its almost time for report cards already.

>.<

 

last weekend was really chill,

that was nice and all....

but this week end i need to get drunk have fun.

who wants to party with molly this weekend?

 

any volenteers?

 

 

me and emma still have our weekly hangout sessions.

they have been going well

^_^

 

 

 

but i think me and cory are have a few problems. <<;

he called earlier

and out of nowhere he starts telling me how hes been kinda depressed lately, & hes having bad feelings about us...

&and that i've seemed distant the past few weeks.

 

it caught me way off gaurd

 

i mean i thought we had been a little distant lately, but i blamed it on everything changing in the group,

i didnt really think much of it though.

...apparently he did.

 

to tell the truth-

[i didnt tell cory this part]

i have noticed things have seemed really different between us....

&i think its because of the fight we had a few weeks ago.

but i dont know why.

and that bothers me 

 

 

thats not good. >_<

 

i dont know what im gonna say tomorrow when he wants to talk about this.

 

meh

 

 

anyway its october everyone!

october is my favorite month.

i just wish it would start getting cold soon.

 

i want go to the mountains soon..

 

EVENTS THIS MONTH

oct 17 -psat

oct 20- renniasance fair

oct 31-halloween <3

 

halloween is my favorite holiday ^_^

im so excited.

mom kinda wants to go to charleston SC for halloween again...and i want to go cause i love charleston...but i really want to be in town for halloween so i can go [or have] a halloween party/trick or treat.

you are never too old to trick or treat.

<3

 

i am currently looking for a moped so i can get a job [& get to it easily] 

so i can start working my way towards  my only real goal -

work, to school, live somewhere other than with my mom, and pick an awesome roomate.

thats all i really want right now.

its gonna take time though.

 

  

other than that i really dont know what i'm going to do with my life.

 

 

 

so ive been in school for like 3 weeks now.

wooo hooo.

ive got this snobby preppy ass abercrombie bitch 

& her trailer-trash whore side-kick talking shit about me.

i find it amusing.

im like i'll curb stomp you in front of your houses bitches.

  lol.

 

 

then i have alot of other things on my mind as well.

that are of greater importence.

 

 

 

 

somebody get drunk with me.....if you have liquor.....please.

 

my week was pretty cool.

saw austin.

emily got arrested.
lol

&

had coffe with alex and olivia
it was a spittball-spitting good time
and there was some intense chess.
^_^

then graphic gay sex with hope laura and olivia
and a shocking round of "what the f*ck?"

 yesterday-
went to session #1 of family therapy
& hung out with micha for like the first time.


and i saw THE INFAMOUS Harry Potter movie today.
it was ok. eh. could have been better.


got bout blazed as hell tonight.
^_^



we'll see how my weekend goes.



<3

OLIVIA-

This woman has always been able to shake some sense in to me.

Not to mention the good times we have had. I have always

appreciated your advice, even if I was dumb enough not to follow

it. I don’t know what my freshman year would have been like

with out you smothering me in your cleavage or smacking me

in the head.  I miss you dear.

 

ALEX-

I loved you more than I  ever loved anyone.

With you I learned what love was.

Thanks for the memories.

 

MAX-

Man where to start. We have been through a lot of relationship

troubles together. shared cartons of ciggies.  spent tons of time

on the phone. And hours in my back yard in the middle of the night. 

I’ll never forget how I met you, that day in Civics. I love you so

much max, You can always call me for anything.

 

SMITHY&BRANDIE-

You guys go under one title cause I always see you together.

where theres a smithy, theres a brandie. I wish I had a friend

that made me and her a perfect pair like you two are. 

Shout out to MBS- you are DEFFINATLY one of the coolest girls

I know.  I’ve seen you handle the good and the bad times, and it amazes me.

Shout out to BNP- you always look so cute and are so sweet to everyone…

plus you know how to have fun. You make my life. 

Smithy& Brandie- Lets get drunk and dance ladies.

 

HANNAH-

You are always welcome to come smoke a joint with me and talk for hours.

 

AUSTIN-

I know we aren’t as close as we used to be, but I still consider you

my best friend. I have known you longer than anyone. You have always

been there to encourage or warn me or just listen. I have tried my

best to be there for you too, but  I am afraid I haven’t done a very

good job, just know I  love you.

 

 

TIM-

You can fix anything.

well here we are again.
 
i missed work today.

so i dressed as gothic as possible & watched the crow 3x 
_{well. three and a half acctually.}
my mom cut me off in the middle of the 4th run.
bitch.

i had a decent 4th of july.
got drunk as shit. that was not so pretty.


john [friend who lives with me] got jumped a couple days ago.  but hes fine.
they really didnt do a very good job of jumping him acctually.
    I could have done better.
 not that i want to jump anyone...but if your going to take the time & energy to jump someone, you should probally do it right.

cory [b.f.] is not doing well
 his mom stuck him in the eye today.
there was hot coffee thrown, chairs through windows, & cops.... not fun
so he isnt planning on going back for a while.
poor boy.


so get this-
me, my sister, and the boy who lives with us,  all have a _crush on the same guy.
but thats a long_-ish story.

damn your cuteness robbie.




my kitten is doing well. shes getting bigger. <3







he hands the inn keeper 3 nails,
and says "can you put me up for the night?"




_{[i cant count how many times you told me this joke in 8^th grade alex]}

if you want me you can find me in the sky flying with the fishes.
or in the ocean swimmin with the pigeons.
see.
my life is different, like dwayne wayne.
if you want trouble, bitch, i want the same thang.





roses are blue, violets are red, daisies are yellow, the flowers are dead.


-your daily dose of wayne

ummmm.


whats new?


tomorrow/today is doughboy's birthday.
its gonna be a 2 day parent less party nucca


hold on max just popped up at my window. its like 12 30 am
lol wtf?

*passing time*
........
...............
he showed up looking for bud with aaron and trey.
they are cool as shit.
before tonight-
i had only met trey once, in like nov.?
and i knew aaron in 8th grade...he was an asshole...i poked him in the eye _{with a pencil} once...
but hes reeally cool now . all past judgments gone.
they might come back later. idk.
*jew wiggle*
lol.



anywho.

i got my permit today... for the 2nd try. yay.
even though i'll be like 17.5  when i actually get my lisecnse.
damn.

FALL.
like pixie dust, just think happy thoughts.
^_^

NEW PICTURE.
<more on myspace>
 http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=93382432


i didn't know it was possible to sleep 36 hrs.
but it is.
cause my sister did it.


cory's out of town till saturday.
imma be bored.
all week
but uh
his birthday was yesterday. [[17]]
but he throwing a late party when he gets back.
his moms gonna be gone.
yay.

it will be fun.




there was a huge storm yesterday.
                <3
at first it was all- rain rain rain
then it was like- WOOOOSOOSoossH
out of fucking nowhere!
hale and everything!
a tree fell too.
it was cool.
^_^


yes.
i was out playing in the rain//massive storm.




sigh.
bored.





send me some love hoes.
XOXOXO
peace.
<3

how much FUN DRINKING is.

night before last at we had more than half a bottle of Bacardi gold.
shit was hard as hell
and everybody got drunk as fuck.
then the fun began.

alcohol is lovely. <3

the days are starting to all run together....its hard to tell what day you did what when your around the same ppl all the time.




dude. we watched- Troy, 300, and "Oh brother where art thou?"
enough greek mythology?
NO  never!!
lol

OMG  doughboy's scooter is so fucking fun to ride.
i love it.
but im usually riding behind tim or doughboy cause i cant drive shit.



I  HAVE A KITTEN  yay.     ^_^

even if  you only know a few of these songs...
 you could probally get what i went through this weekend.

[[ARTIST//SONG]]

<3

[[the BAD times]]

Red Jumpsuit App.// Face Down

The Killers// Mr. Brightside

Cartel// Honestly

Silverstien// Smile in your Sleep

My Chemical Romance// Famous Last Words

Panic!ATD// Lying is the Most Fun a girl can have without taking her Clothes off.

Sum 41// Slipping Away

Fall Out Boy// The Patron Saint of Liars and Fakes

Unwritten Law// Save Me

Bayside// Devotion & Desire

HollyWood Undead// My Black Daliah

Manson// Tainted Love

The Used// Blue and Yellow





[[the GOOD times]]

Steve Miller// Space Cowboy

Manson// Heart-shaped Glasses

Kill Hannah// Boys & Girls

Motion City Soundtrack// Make Out Kids

Blink-182// All the Small Things

A7X// Bat Country

uggggg sccchoool...

 

 

i dont want to be here...

BUT

 

it IS the last real day...

thats a plus.  +

 

i cant wait to get outta here and go home

and see my aunt kabbie. <3

 

and then go to friendly.

[[ you live in greensboro you should go]]

 

 

....i need to go get cigarettes....only 3 left...

 

 

 

god dammit i got so depressed last night.

FUCK

 

well my mom is home and doing a little better...

it will be a long recovery time.

 

 

 

JOHN is in town this weekend <3

^_^

 

 

but he fucked christina yesterday.

so that cancels out the happiness.

EWwww

 

 

 

im getting a kitten sooon.

im so happy.

it will be my bestfriend.

okay not really...

but i will love it. ALOT.

LOVE x 3

 

 

 

peace

well since i have nothing better to do i shall post.

 

ummm

i finished drivers ed yesterday.

and can go get my permit with in the next 30 days.

 

i decided what i wanna do when i grow up.

....i want to be a florist. ^_^

or own a flower shop.

this just kinda came to me one day...

[[dont laugh at me]]

 

ewww

tomorrow my moms friends wants me to baby-sit her kid..... who is intolerable.

if it was anyother kid i would deffinatly do it. 

but this 10 year old is so snotty, and so full of her self i cant handle it.

i like kids...really, i do...but  if you met this one you would want to punch her in the face with a spiked glove.

so i really dont want to spend the majority of my day with her.

 

anyone around here wanna party this weekend?

my past few weekends have been LAME.

i need a bit of fun.

just lemme know.

 

 

<3 peace

i love all you skanks

^_^

 

 

 

 

^{^_^} annnnyways.

i am 16 and are just now taking drivers ed.
as a matter of fact i have 2 days of that dumb ass fucking class left...
but the bad news is i fell asleep in there EVERYDAY and i have the 200 question test tomorrow.
so i basicly have to read that whole book tonight
damn.


i have a half day of school tomorrow
and no school on friday
so its a 3 _^1/2 day week bitches
YaaaaY!!!


night sluts.

hey kids.

whats new?

my mom wants to drag me to Virginia this weekend but i want to stay here...cause i have plans for getting some
[its been over a week!..]
and plans for going to Mr. Elam's wake on saturday. [for all of you who know alex elam [my ex boyfreind] you should be aware his dad died randomly last week. brain anurism. God rest his soul. If you are in the area and know the family you should stop by Our lady of Grace catholic church at 1 on saturday for the proceedings.]
i hope i dont cry....

i actually liked mr elam, he was the only one of alex's parents who liked me.
it i know they probally dont want it....but i feel bad for samantha and alex. i couldn't imagine losing a parent at this age, and so suddenly too.... no one saw it coming....not to sound lame or anything but ....it kinda makes you think about  what can happen. you know?


anyway... GTCC is going well, its become a daily routine. my grades are good [cause the work is so easy].   now. i cant even remember the schedule at grimsley. sadly, i am no longer the "New Girl" which sucks. i enjoyed being called the new girl. but i continue to shock everyone there with my wardrobe. which is fun at least. we are special so we get an hour off tomorrow to just hang out and eat. this is the first "social" they've had since i've  been at the school. from what i hear they have one every two weeks.

you skanks should go to my myspace.... cause its awesome?
not really
...add me if you havent.
just search my display name-
mollyMORPHINE
[no space]


<3 molly.

ahhh. fuck. is it that warm fuzzy  time of year again?

    yeah i hate holidays...so what? [the only one that i actually enjoy is halloween].
what i  hate most is how everybody feels obligated to do somthing nice for everyone they remotely care about, just because society/corporate america/tradition tells them to.
    if congress declaired National Worship-Satan-Day, do you think everyone would run out and get their fuck buddies a sacrificial chicken and a pink heart shaped card!?   who knows!? they might....just because its what everyone else does.
    if i love somebody they know it. i dont want pressure put on me to  make it especially clear to them on a random day of the year.
    i dont mean to sound bitter.... i do care about alot of people and i hope they know it, without these fucking holidays.

sigh.
heres the part where i start to feel bad.
cause i do kinda want to do somthing slightly sensitive for el novio... y mi madre  y  hermanitas. [random out bursts of  espanol?  why yes. indeed.] cause if i dont i will look like an  anti-social heartless monster. 


to top that off... i cant decide if i even want to go to TWIRP. i probally WILL go...i need to decide quick cause its in 4  days...everyone will be asking me why i havent been at school or "why did you switch schools?" it will suck.
what will also suck is the rap..oh excuse me... the "hip hop" the DJ  will be playing the whole damn time.
oh well. i'll get over it.
it probally woln't be half as bad as i think it will be.
i might actually have fun.

also, as metioned in the last post...i am now enrolled at GTCC middle college [east]...just so you know.

oh... and to everyone that had their doubts about me and harrison...
good news.
we proved you wrong.
[so far]
<3


night to all
[sorry you read me rant]
<3 mollyMORPHINE

umm where to start....?

 

its christmas yall.

 

i got a snare drum you guys! ^_^

im gonna be a drummer chick. it will be sweet as hell.

i have wanted to play for a while now. and am very excited like a small child.

 

im dating harrison these days. its all good... now that the drama with zach is over. i never posted anything about that, did I? oh well. mindsay is better off not hearing about that whole thing...ick.

 

my little sister tried to kill herself about three weeks ago...the stupid cunt face took 14 excedrin. but shes fine now.

 

me and my mom go throught these horrible fighting spells. sometimes we get along but damn other times she makes my life HELL.

 

next semester its possible i might  transfer to gttc middle college east.

i think it will be good for me. i need to focus on my school work more. 1st quarter i had As and Bs, at this point i have nothing above a low C.[but i plan to fix that in the 2 weeks i have till report cards come out. i think that says somthing.

 

My dad contacted me. he wants to meet me over spring break. im not exactly sure how to feel about this. im excited, but then im like what the fuck? why now? im practicly grown up already. people have kids to see them grow up. so whats the  fucking point... but then again im like i gotta give the guy some credit. he wrote me a 6 page letter and sent some cute pics of his family, plus he myspaced me... yeah. dont laugh, i talk to my dad on myspace....so what?

 

i smoked weed for the first time since halloween on thursday. oh man i forgot how good it smells. god i love it. but im going to try to stop for harrison. cause apparently it bothers him.

 

i have nothing further to say.

love to all

<3 mollyMORPHINE

 

ps if you havent heard MCR's new album The Black Parade. i highly recomend it.